Lost in Time...

so tonight was a eclipse... and well, i wanted to try and get a picture of it...i couldn't...due to lack of knowledge and well a shitty tripod. So here are some other photos that i grabbed which i think are rather nifty. There was a really beautiful light effect all around riverside...i only wish they were more in focus. oh well...next time.

This is what happens when sit waiting for models to load at work...

the snow this winter just seems different. yes we always seem to get more snow in the january February months, i know that much. This year just seems different, instead of the 2 or maybe 3 storms we get throughout the season, we are just getting them one after another. in the past two weeks we have had two nights of at least 6 in of snow, with translates to ridiculous snow drifts. Crazy weather.

either way...having to shovel your driveway at 2 am...when you are cold, tired and cranky...is just not a good time. mind you...the knowing that the only thing left to do in the day is sleep...feels really good. i guess i shall go and get that done.

what a night...

The work was fine...it went by quickly...
but i am sure that you noticed...it was snowing.
alot...
so.
1 30am rolls around and well its 6 of us who are on the afternoon shift (3 shop guys and 3 designers)
We walk outside and look at the driveway and think...fuck no..
So one guy has 4x4 on his truck...he tried to pave the way for us...
one by one we each had our turn to get out of the drift
only 1 car made it without help
and i dont mean the 4x4.
it was the smart...
that thing went right through the snow...
without any issue...
I am more and more impressed with the smarts.
I am sorry...I almost want one...

what a night...

*Insert Random Words by Matt*

Back Down,
Take a Look around,
at everything gone
Wrong.

Back down,
Listen to the sounds,
what are they trying
to say.

When Everythings gone
to the dogs.
where can you turn
to fight

the fires of hearts,
break out
flow into the streets
they bleed

Tell a story which
will calm
to then, set their souls
back free.

*End Random Words by Matt*

is that all one song/phrasing...maybe...I dont know...does it need work...yes...am i proud of what i wrote...i am...

*BEAMS*

So it is already febuary... i just have to ask...where the hell did january go? I mean i remember new years eve like it was just yesterday...now its like...febuary, and in roughly 2 months i shall be 23. Feel weird and crazy all at the same time. either way...as of tomorrow the shift work will be starting and hopefully, there will be some sort of well lacking of overtime. oh how a normal week would feel like...

Aside from that...Valentines day is coming....and well...it sucks..to me its a day in which corporations make alot of money off of people...also whenever i have been in a long term relationship things just seem to come crashing down to a halt.

Gah...life seems...level at the moment...i mean there are obviously things that i want...but really...its level and im still at a state where i am just going with it and allowing life to take its toll in whatever way it wants...

Most years before this have seemed rather unimportant. Why
? well thats simple, every year was to be filled with school and co op and nothing really constructive to furthering my life. So 2008 feels like it could involve many big steps in what i like to call life. some of my goals this year are well for one...move out...thats probably the biggest goal...since well...it just needs to happen. The bird needs to fly from the nest and start something new and well have something that would belong to me...ME!...the other goal that i have is well, well on its way...which would be to get a job that i actually enjoy and dont dread going into on a daily basis. this job seems good thus far and well, if things continue this way, then i think that it will defiantly be a good learning experience for e to develop my skills and understanding of the manufacturing world from an automation standpoint.

finally...as lame as this may sound...my last majour goal for 2008 is to have a healthy relationship that i dont end up screwing up for some random reason. but in doing this i dont want it to be forced because it is something that i want to happen. i want it to happen naturally. I mean i must admit the date that i had with kristine aka starbucks girl, was rather natural considering that i met her at starbucks and not through anyone nor through the internet. im not saying that she would be the only who will be that person, because well i dont know her really all that well...and i dont know what she is actually looking for at the moment.(Mind you, the second question is a rather important one...hmm maybe i should get on that,) meh ill just let it come up randomly...its more fun that way, and always full of an honest answer.

aside from the main goals of 2008 i also have other smaller goals that focus more on my hobbies and other interets. the first being actually finishing a song that i start writing....this would include not only the various riffs that would be in it but also words...and since i now have my oh so wonderful macbook i would also want it recorded...oh the perfection that i can now attain.

the second...which is very much in progress...is getting a tattoo...the design is done...the appt just needs to be made to get er done...which will hopefully open the door to the many other tattoo ideas that have been rocking around in my mind over the last year or so.

lastly...of course...if my new love for photography...even though as i think back, i have always have a certain love for cameras and pictures, i just never really got into the manual part of it. But as of, (sometime in the next few weeks) i will have a Nikon D40 and be ready to learn how to use it and well...just hopefully finally take the photos that i have always wanted to.

whew...2008 is going to be a busy year...oh ya...did i mention the cross country trip? whew...should be fun...I cant wait...

Over the past month I have felt that there has been something missing...something else...And i think that i have found it. After walking for 4 hours around the Gorba trails around guelph lake, taking pictures, i have discovered that that is something that i need to work on more. Since i found taking pictures so overly relaxing that well ya...I dont think that there is much more that i can say in that regard. My next challenge i think will be taking pictures downtown at night...So many thoughts and ideas...

Alas it is now time for another 55 hour work week...eep...

So this morning, i woke up in a bitter sad mood...I did not want to have anything to do with anything outside of my house...or my bed really...But once i was up and had coffee flowing through my veins my mood perked up.

so as i was at yoga tonight, and i had a random thought...*What do i see when i look in the mirror* and then the thought branched out into what people in general think when they look in the mirror...do they only seen the physical side of themselves or do they see how they are feeling on the inside...or do they see who they are on the inside.just a random thought really...

On another note...date number 3 is now approaching...(its on wednesday) and well...im going to try and pull a blythe...thats all i will say because i know ill jinx myelf otherwise.

So this week..was well my first real week of work...i worked a total of 62 hours this week...and too be honest...it wasn't working that much that sucked..what sucked was having to work on the weekend. if you work alot of over time during the week, you should have the weekend off. i still havent come to a conclusion whether or not i like my job yet, but so far, its alrig...its something to start with until i figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life, or at least the next step of it.

so aside from working away my life, my inereest has also grown in the area of photograph...i think that i should start bringing my camera with my me where ever i go, since i always see things randomly that i want a picture of...So i am thinking of looking into a photography class of some sort to possibly take so that i can learn how to take better pictures and have then be all artsy and such...

what else is new with me lately...i dont think there is much considering how much i have been at work...but i have now gone on two dates with this girl, whom is tall and cute and fun to talk to...i am still however trying to figure her out...like i dont know how i feel towards here, which is werid because usually you can figure it would after the second date right...but i think that since we went to a show with some of her friends, that it makes it more difficult, since its a loud environment...and such...Alas nothing has happened yet so thats also a possibilty. you can always know if there is something there after the first kiss, that is the one true way to discover if you click or not...as one would say...i need to pull a Blythe and just do it...

nothing else is new at the moment...lets hope this week will be more exciting then the last!.

so as of tomorrow, i will have been at this job for 2 weeks...and thus far, it seems alright. there is nothing crazy bad about it. i have been been arriving at 7 30 and then leaving at 5 30...and that is just the starting of it...

starting next week i will be working 55 hours a week for the remainder of the year...and well it has its ups and downs. some of the ups are...i know what i will be working every day and then i will be making alot of extra money...since well...ill be making 28$/hr for the overtime that i do...oh time and a half how i love you....

Something that does bother me though...is the general manager thinking that i am lazy or well not putting my all into the job...i dont see how he can actually have an opinion considering that i have only been there for two weeks and well...i am still learning this whole thing...When i went for my interview i told them that i had little if any relavent design experience...and well...all they seemed to care about was for me to be able to use a 3d modeling software...it is just ridiculous to expect someone to know how to do EVERYTHING right away...

Even though i am still learning, i have been coming in early and taking a short lunch and then if necessary, i have been staying later. Overall i think he was way out of line in what he thinks of me...i mean later on when i have more experience then ya i could see him making a call if i am acting that way...

Aside from the whole job scene i am going on a date tomorrow night...and well it should be a fun time...:D

Until Next Time...

Matt OUT!!!

So...it finally happened...i got a job...saddly the only real downsides to the jobs are #1 i didnt get the job myself...as in it wasnt one of the jobs that i applied for, which kinda bummed me out. and then of course #2 its a job that is definatly going to have over time involved in it.

as i was driving home from work today, i thought to myself, how i wasnt really even running to get out, i was just comfortable and well...i was done my work for today and then ya...i was done...but i still thought to myself that i could have easily stayed longer and been cool with it and not have stressed out from it. so i feel that this job will be good and allow me to get alot of experience in the robotics field...i mean hey, i dont kno where ill be 5 years from now, so if i get tired of it...ill have that experience and hopefully my iron ring and P.Eng by then too...:D

even though, i feel comfortable...i still have a HUGE fear that all that stress and anxiety will come back even though i dont think it will...but its still an odd fear that i have...

All in all...im looking forward to seeing where it goes!!!

aside from the job, i have been having this odd lonely feeling lately. i see couples on the stress or in a bar, or just girls who i see who look so wonderful, and i just think about how i wish i had that couple feeling...its nothing BIG...its just random thoughts every once and a while...they do say that...when it happens it happens, and thats all i know and its what im sticking to.

So i have now been in europe for the past 16 days, and lets just say, there have been a many of adventures that have happened over the course of the trip. lets start with today. Today has been rather boring, the main reason is that it is a dark and dismal day and i was outlast night so i am running on very little sleep. I just need to kill two more hours and then we will be back ont he coach on the way to the hotel to na and get ready for the night. which includes, dinner and SPACE DISCO!!!. I think most of the tour group is looking forward to the space disco, I mean how could you not be.

The most exciting thing that has happened thus far, would have to be oktoberfest. That was the biggest and craziest party EVER.. I mean really, the germans know how to through a party. I dont think that any other oktoberfest will ever compare to the one in germany. Drinking regular sized pints just seem like a waste after drinking steins. oh how fast a liter of beer can go when you party with the germans.

I would write more right now, but i just dont have the energy to type... So I am going to waste time surfing online till the time runs out...

6 more days...

SO. the journey from london to Holland was very grand. we were on the road from 8 till 5 30. We drove to france. well took the ferry,, and let me tell you. Those french are well not people who you want to be messing with. the passport peeps were rather short with some of the people who presented their passports.

I sleep for a few hours on the bus, having not sleep the night before, and well, it was great. the countryside during the trip was amazing. So many windmills, i took so many pictures of all of them. they were my fav part of the trip really.

ill skip the trip part right now, since i only have 5 minutes left to write this.

So we got to the hotel at like 5 30ish and ate quicklu. we had to eat fast, because well...it turns out our tour manager wanted to take us to a live sex show. lets just say that was a whole differnt experiance that i dont think i will need to see again. it was described as humour and totally emotionless. and well it was very funny and there was little emotion in the peoples faces. i beleive it was 26 euros and with that we got 2 1/2pints included for during the show. but again...its not something i want to see again.

So then later that night we did the whole coffee shop thing. it was alright. kinda sketch. i was dead tired so i didnt really want pot. but greg/jill and melynda were right into it. Karina (the cool aussie girl) also had some. greg and jill were right fucked. and were basically tripping out while we tried to find our path back to the bus. melynda refuses to beleive that it hit her at all. its funny to watch her denie it. but normal people dont just starting laughing for not reason on a coach.

Today was good. we started off with a granny bike tour of Edam, so peaceful and beautiful. and then karina and i walked around amsterdam and looked at some of the shops. Very awesome. We also went to van gogh gallery, which was a good experiance. Its amazing how his styles changed in the ten years of his life.

I must cut this short now. Ill continue next time ill one a pc.

To start things off...the flight was the most amazing thing EVER...it would have been better if i had more leg room, but whatever right, i survived. it was just WOW!!!...The sound of th engines ROARING when its about to take off, the crazy ass sound it made when all the braking flaps were opened to slow in down during the decent. All of it was jsut sooo cool. everything was ontime as well...There was no delay getting onto the flight nor landing. the only delay occurs during the passport process at GATwick..But whatever, sure we had to wait in line for 1.5hours. But considering there were most likely over 1000 people there waiting as well...It went by fairly quickly.

the only problem with being on a plane for 7 hours and then standing in a stuffy airport for 2hours, is that...well you start to sweat, and lets just say that by the end of the day, greg and i were not smelling the greatest...So once we got to the hotel, it was the first thing that happened before we could actually start exploring the city.

London was jsut breathtaking from the air. I wish i had taken pictures of it while we were in flight, it was just insane. I also got to see the sunrise
32000ft. which in itself was crazy, it was like you could see the curvature of the earth...the whole experiance displayed some of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen. Its going to take alot on this trip to beat anything that i say. The cloud formations below us were like a rock face, and in some areas you could see the weather systems moving through.

riding the train from Gatwick to Kings cross, through the English countryside was another amazing experiance. All I am going to say right now is, that if this trip continues to open my eyes as much as today has, it is going to be ONE HELL OF A TRIP...And i wish that i could stay in london a little bit longer. Alas, there is so much more to explore that it would be impossible to jsut stick to one place...

Also...THe people here are amazing...we needed alot of help to get from the airport to the hotel, and whoever we asked, responded in a totally polite manner, and in some cases, even tried to give of faster solutions to our travel problems...Also their clothing style makes me jealous...I just look around and think to myself...I WANT I WANT I WANT.

Well its time for me to sign off for now. in two days ill be in amsterdam, so ill check in at somepoint then.

until next time, i miss you all...even though ive only been gone a day :).

WOOO LONDON!!! (oh one last thing...I think driving in downtown london would be harder then downtown toronto, it is just insane how many signals and such that are on EVERY corner.

Ill post some pics when i get a chance...:) tata.

SO...tomorrow, i am off to london for my 3 week europe trip. I look forward to the amazing experiance that i am about to endure. As excited as i am...I will miss the people here, along with the ones who have gotten so use to spending oh so much time chatting online with them.

Ill hopefully be able to reach a computer every few days to keep everyone up to speed on things that are going on with the trip...and i will be sure to post some sweetass pictures of whats been going on.

Ill miss you all.

so the night starts off relatively normal, i mean, there is nothing exciting going on, just the usual hanging out and shit. SO, then one of my friends calls me up and is like...hey, its frosh week, lets go check out the downtown area. So me, not having anything to do, i decided to go. which in my mind was still i good plan, i mean, im a recent grad, i need to live a little. so we are downtown and it is pretty busy, There was probably 70% girls down there. not that im surprised of course, because of the large female population that is going on at the U of G. So as the night goes on there is some drinking happening, and hes like hey wanna take a hit off this joint. So i mean, I do. since i guess i should try it out before i go to Europe. anyways, i doesnt really affect me. But then again it was only one, and also i was drinking alot. THEN. After being at a number of bars, we go back to van goes. and there is this gril who is completly letting loose on the dance floor. I think that most people would have seen it as weird, or un called for. But i saw it as her being able to express herself. Made me smile. I wish i was as open as she was. so anyways her and i got to talking and my friend and i walked her home. there we discovered that she is a massage therapist. Nothing sexual happend at all, we just talked, and she completely called me out on feelings that i have for a certain someone who has moved away recently. lets just say shes good. she wanted to give me a full body massage, so she did. I think my body, being it so long, taught her more then she taught me.

The whole experience taught me something. not only, do i want to go back and actually get treatment done on my body from her. Since my joints feel so loose (we will see how i feel tomorrow), but also how strong feeling for the certain someone are even though i shouldnt...Well actually i think that whomever i have feelings for is who i do, and i shouldnt feel that i am wrong to. If it is not possible, then its not...this is life. as long as i can find happiness in the life i live, then thats what matters. Right now, i have that happiness. It comes from inside. and i love it.

now it is time to sleep. wow...4 30 never felt so late.

Since i am going on three weeks now with no real commitments to take care of, i have had alot of time to be along with my thoughts. Its a strange time. Its amazing where you mind can go when you dont have any need to focus it. in the last couple weeks, it has been continuously going back to relationships with people i wish i had, along with my europe trip that is coming up next wednesday. the trip has been an interesting topic, since i have recently become rather excited and somewhat scared (depending on the day of course). i think i have now gotten all of my whatnot together so that when i take off there will not anything left behind. Even though i know that i will forget something...there is always that one thing.

tomorrow is the first job interview that i have thus far for my career as an engineer. this could be a rather interesting day.

best of luck to me...woot woot.

Matt

First Try with the mac effects...